Friday, November 26, 2010

Black, Heart-Broken, Disgusting, Congested,Deadly,Excellent Friday


The annual Burke sibling highlight of the year has come and gone once more, and with it another wonderful 10 hours of memories. After a wonderful afternoon in Dayton with family for Thanksgiving, we headed home; but not for a night of watching another Bengals loss and to sit and regret the eating of too much of Mama Hudson's awesome turkey, but to drop off the kids, dress warmly, grab newspapers ads, and head out to conquer another Black Friday! (apologies to my mother for the serious run-on sentence).
It was in the dark of night, at 10 p.m. when this year's adventure would begin(that's why it is called 'Black Friday'-a little unknown fact to all). Our night would start at perhaps one of the word's greatest establishments-White Castle. There, we would meet and strategize our evening before meeting everyone else. This year was to be a little different than those past, for this year my wife Stacey came along (for the first few hours). For years she has avoided going saying foolish statements like "You guys are idiots," "Why would anyone in their right mind do that?" or "You'll never catch me out there with 'those' people." We always told her she was wrong and just needed to come once; and let's just say, she is coming back next year!
My wife and I arrived at White castle before Chrystal. There we enjoyed a 20 minute date (take what ever you can get these days). After two double cheeseburgers, small fry, and a large unsweet tea for me and 2 chicken sandwiches and half my fries for Stacey, Chrystal arrived. There was only one more 'couple' in the store, but we chose to sit at the table with the really, really high stools-just to watch Chrystal get up in them...it was worth it-quite a laugh!
Following Chrystal's quickie meal, we got out the papers and strategized. First stop would be Walmart! Now let me first say (in case any CEOs or marketing people are reading), that the sales were pretty weak this year-you could have done better! But, walmart seemed to be the best option. There we would meet Rachel and Ricky who were so missed these last few years as they were propagating the earth (this was the first Thanksgiving in two years Rachel wasn't pregnant).
Walmart wasn't too busy at 10. A few were there to get laptops and tv's, but we really were able to walk around and pick out where we wanted to go. Now, if you've never been to a walmart on this evening, you must understand that every big-ticket item is somewhere in an aisle covered in thick plastic wrap. At midnight, this plastic wrap will be removed and all items are first come/first serve; so you must get near your item as early as possible. Of course it is against the rules to get an item from beneath the plastic wrap before midnight; but how can anyone get to all of those things he/she needs in the five minutes it takes for all items across the store to be picked through? Impossible! So that is why, "Baby Timmy" was sleeping beneath the coats and sweatshirts in our cart.
By now, the gang is all here! Three Burke siblings, two spouses, Jordan Wilson, Nate Morgensen, Anthony Poor, and the pleasant surprise of Rob and Becky Webster! We would see many others we know and love through out the night as well. After a few trips around the store, we separated to 'man our post' near the items we desired.
Rob Webster and Anthony Poor were at one section (had typed where, but Bro. Rob's kids might read this and I don't want to give away a gift). Becky Webster was at another location (see reason for anonymous location above). Nate Morgensen was near his tool box and luggage. Rachel and Chrystal were at the Leapsters (story to come). I was at the Leggos (for Chrystal, not my son-in case he reads this). Jordan was at the vacuums for Becky Webster, and Stacey my dear wife was at a prayer answered for her.
For many years, my wife has wanted to be able to get for our church a Cricut. It cuts out letters and stuff.
They are quite expensive, and her pastor would not allow her to purchase one, but this evening they were over half off and a wonderful deal! She was so very excited when I told her we could get one for the church! She, with a huge smile, got in line for the cricut! There were only six of them available, and she was #2 in line! For the next two hours, she met and spoke with the other five wonderfully charming 'crafty' people in line with her. She shared with them her long time desire to have one of these machines for our church and what all she was going to be able to do with it at church! They even each chose which color they wanted and what cartridges they desired. There would be no grabbing and fighting for this group, only harmony, smiles, and Christmas spirit. Soon, it was midnight, and the plastic wrap came off and everyone got their cricut...sort of.
I always love it when its time for the items to be grabbed! The volume in the store goes up 300%, and the kindness and chivalry goes down that much. The plan was to meet back in front of the cash registers after each of got our items. Rob and Anthony got their things and soon arrived at meeting spot, I got my items for Chrystal, Chrystal and Rachel got their leapsters (story getting closer), Becky got her item, Jordan got his vacuum for Becky, Nate got his stuff, and we all met at aisle 6 with carts full of great deals....except for one.
I saw my wife coming towards me. I just knew that time would slow down and a nice rendition of a love tune would play in my head as she would run to me, embrace me, and share how she was so wrong about Black Friday and how it truly is a most wonderful experience to shop and be victorious and watch others fight and storm the aisles-but that didn't happen. Instead she was filled with tears (at first, I thought I had greatly underestimated her desire for a cricut, but that's not why she was crying). "What's wrong?" I began to ask, but then followed with a "You didn't get it?" No, she didn't! Black Friday was a heart-breaking night!
As the six 'cricut' people were getting their chosen colors, someone came and grabbed the blue one Stacey had chosen out of her fingertips and ran down an aisle. This lady hadn't been there two hours, but just ran up and took it from Stacey. There seemed to be no words adequate for the moment when Chrystal said, "What did she look like?" Now things were going to get good! Stacey described the little thief, I mean lady, I mean woman, and Chrystal went looking. I told Stacey she should have been 'meaner' and held on to that thing. She told me how she had just spent two hours talking about our church, me being pastor, and the Lord-how could she be mean? My wife told the lady it was hers seeing that she had waited two hours and was second in line; to which the lady responded "Is Your name on it?"
Chrystal was heading down the aisles looking for a blue cricut. Stacey was looking too and ask Chrystal what she would do if she found her. Chrystal said she would take it out of her hands/cart, and Stacey said, "And i will say, 'Is Your name on it?" Thankfully, the Lord blessed.
The man and wife #1 in line who Stacey had talked to so long came running up to Stacey and said, "Mam, we want you to have this cricut." Stacey said, "I will not do that, you were in line before me, I won't take it." "No," they replied, "we want you to have it, use it for your church..." and with tears in her eyes and my wife's she continued, "Have a Merry Christmas." They then hugged and shared tears....in walmart....at 12:30 a.m.....over a cricut...it was great!
By this time, half our group was on a search and destroy scavenger hunt for a blue cricut, Becky was 'holding down the fort' at aisle six, and I was trying to re budget to afford a cricut somewhere else. We all met again at aisle six when we saw Stacey coming holding a pink cricut in the air! With a giant smile on her face and tears down her cheeks she told us the story. We all clapped and cheered....at walmart...at 12:40 a.m....over a cricut...it was great!
We then divied up our items and paid for our cricut, vacuums, tools, toys, 'Baby Timmy", and the Leapsters. Ah, those leapsters are quite a story too.
Because I was no where near Chrystal and Rachel for the Leapsters, I did not witness events first hand. So, I asked Chrystal to share her story about the Leapsters and this is her account of "Leapster-gate."
Rachel, Ricky and myself all decided to "camp" in front of the Leapsters. I wish I could say it was because I "had" to have one more than anything else this Christmas, but really we wanted to stay there because it had the most interesting and intense looking shoppers gathered around it! :) (although I did want one for my Lici, so it wasn't completely in vain!) At approx 10;30 pm we assumed our posts. Rachel was directly in front of the pink leapster I had my eye on, Ricky was in front of the Dora game that I absolutely needed to accompany my Leapster system, and I was running backup for both of them just in case things got out of hand. Turned out that it was a good thing I did that too...but that's not for 2 more hours!


The crowd gathered quickly around our posts. People were from all over, from all different ages, from all different backgrounds, but with one thing in mind...I MUST have a Leapster! Rachel quickly made friends with the Walmart Associate named Kelly. She decided that was our best ally in this adventure. Turned out Kelly was as scared as we were of these crazy people! The closer it got to midnight, the more people gathered around the Leapsters and the closer we had to mover to our pink one! A tiny, middle aged lady had moved right in behind Rachel and had squatted down directly behind her. I told Rachel to be careful, someone was right behind her. She turned and looked at the lady. Without even batting an eye she said, "Good thing you wore a skirt tonight because as soon as it's midnight I am grabbing my Leapster from in between your legs." WHAT????? Rachel never even hesitated. She responded, "Then I will kick you in the face." Everyone laughed...except Rachel!!!! It was getting close to midnight, and getting more intense by the second. A couple had moved in behind me very closely. The lady told her husband, "As soon as they start, just jump on these people and get it." I turned and looked at them with a face that I was hoping said, "if you jump on me, you will regret it". Fyi, they didn't get that out of my expression-but we will talk more about that in a minute! Ricky had lots of people asking him to grab games for them too. He is way too nice, and was sneaking his own large stash of games to be passed out right at midnight! Not long after this, a lady came up with a sob story of her own to try to get her hands on a Leapster. Her daughter has a disease..she "needs" one of those game systems to put a smile on her daughter's face. It was hard for me to feel too sorry for her. I told Rachel that if she wanted to play the sympathy, sickness card, then she was playing with the wrong person! My kid had more diseases than she wanted to know about, and she wasn't getting my Leapster! (sorry, but it was way too late, and I was way too tired and hungry to be playing games!) :)

At 11:55 Rachel asked for my camera, so she could take a picture of the people who at this point, were literally standing on top of the Leapster crates with some of the meanest scowls you have ever seen!! I handed her my camera. I yelled, "Smile", but before the word was out of my mouth someone started ripping open the crate!!! I yelled to Rachel to grab the Leapster. Remember the man who had plans to "jump over me"? He was trying to come thru with that threat. He jumped over my shoulder and was reaching for Rachel. He yelled some curse words and threw his elbow into my hip. Before you start to worry, I have plenty of padding on my hips for just such protection!! I just gave that hip a little shove, and the small man fell backwards. I told Rachel to stand her ground, turn and get out of there!! We jumped out of the pile of people just in time to see Ricky standing over in the middle of the health and beauty aisle politely handing out all the games he had stashed for his new friends! We made sure we had gotten all we needed for us and started towards our meeting point. On the way, Rachel looked at her hand. She had the scratches down her arm and hand to prove that we had been in battle tonight...but we looked in the cart to see how victorious we were!! We sang a victory song and kept marching. Did we HAVE to have that Leapster? Nah, I guess not. But I know one thing, Lici better LOVE it!!!!! And I sure love my sister for fighting so hard for it. What a blast!!!

What Chrystal didn't mention was the Princess game at Walmart. Earlier at White Castle, Chrystal shared how she had 'earned' two princess stickers from her family before leaving for our event. While she was at the Leapsters, she texted me and told me that she had secretly stuck the princess stickers on a cart of some lady, and if I could find the sticker I could win $10! Oh, it was on! After a very short walk (and promising to split the money with Jordan Wilson who saw the lady Chrystal gave it to) and a text to Jordan, I had the sticker in hand! I placed it on my nose and walked back to Chrystal and the large Leapster group. It was then I sought to collect my $10 and she had to eat humble pie (worth far more than the $10!). While standing there, we discussed our next stop after walmart.
The walmart associate, Kelly I presume, suggested we go to the outlet stores. Chrystal said we could, but everyone was supposed to wear pajamas there and we were not prepared. It was then I did my one very foolish thing of the evening.
I was prepared for cold weather and had my thermal shirt underneath my 'hoodie'. I raised the bottom right of my hoodie and said, "I could go, these could pass as pajamas." For some reason, everyone grew silent and stared at me with a look of fear. Now I know the thought of me in thermals isn't a pleasant thought...but fear? Come on!! It was while pulling down the hoodie that I realized the reason of their frightened faces. I forgot about my .38 revolver that I was carrying. Ooops. But on the bright side, nobody stopped me from getting what I wanted.
That pretty much was walmart, except for one more thing.
While standing at aisle six to check out, a thin lady wearing all green about three aisles down stopped suddenly. We continued our conversation but was watching this lady acting oddly. It was then in one motion that she doubled over and started to hurl the obvious salad and turkey (with obvious stuffing with celery) and corn. SPLAT was the sound as it hit the ground, not once, but three times. Let's just say there were long lines in every aisle to check out, except for aisle 3. Truly now, it had been a Black, Heart-broken, and Disgusting Friday...and that is just stop one of or night.
We quickly scampered to our cars and left for stop number 2, Toys R Us. We had heard all night the horror stories from walmart. Huge lines, long waits, and mean people is all we heard about. Toys R Us had been open for a while already, but we were after none of their 'big ticket' items, so we thought it safe to wait until now to go. The mad rush was obvious over, but there were still long waits. There was a line that snaked through every aisle on the left side of the store all the way to the back of the store-just to look at video games! We didn't look at video games. We immediately put into action one of our efficient black friday tools as Chrystal got in line to pay while I shopped. Fighting through crowds I picked up a few things and then switched with Chrystal while she shopped. Fighting through crowds and packed aisles wasn't Rachel's thing. She then shouted out, "I can't go any further!" And, she didn't.
She sat down in the aisle and rested. The line to check out snaked all the aisles on the right side of the store and doubled back into the left side of the store. We were in Toys R Us for 2 hours, and one of us was in line the entire time. But, it was pretty much uneventful, but a complete success in getting what we were after. We almost didn't get the items though, because when I got to the cashier, Chrystal wasn't there. She tried to get to me, but it was blocked. She ran to the one side of the store...no way in. She ran to the other side of the store...no way in. Finally, she removed a couple of displays and gift wrap cartons and was able to make a way to me. Luckily, just in time to cash out!
It was now about 2:30 a.m. and we were thirsty and running low on caffine. We needed a White Castle stop. Stacey was heading home and I now jumped in the car with Jordan. When we got to White Castle, I saw the largest crowd at a White castle I had ever seen. While Jordan and Ricky got our drinks, me and my sisters planned the rest of our evening. Our next stop was to be Kohls which opened at 3:00 a.m. Perfect! After waiting in the lines at walmart and now white castle, it had definitely been a Black, heart-broken, disgusting, and congested Friday...and we weren't done yet!
We waited in our warm cars as everyone filed in. We quickly followed. I immediately got into line to pay as everyone else went to shop. I did, while in line, find a very comfortable pair of pajama pants for $7...Merry Christmas to me. The line was huge and the man behind me didn't like it. He kept huffing and puffing loudly and was one of those 'disregards people's personal space' kinda people. I literally felt his hot aired huffs on my neck and smelled the obvious white castle he earlier enjoyed as well. I knew he wasn't going to like it when my sisters, brother in law, and Jordan all joined me in line with all their stuff; but he would have to get used to it. Soon they did join me with many items and sure enough, he wasn't happy. He huffed loudly and this time growled. It would have demanded a response if it weren't for the elf lady.
Yes, the elf lady. This thin, frail, pale lady came walking towards us. She was going the wrong way through a one way check out line. She never smiled, never spoke, but looked straight ahead and just kept staring into space. Like the Red Sea, the line just kept dividing as she walked through us all. She wore a Green Santa hat with elf ears and just kept walking. We almost forgot about the Mean Huffer behind us due to her, until he huffed at the 'crazy elf lady' as he called her.
I figured the man needed a little joy in his life, and music brings joy to people. Chrystal had a toy for Lici in her hand to pay for called a singamajig or a thingamajig. Anyways, it opens its mouth in a perfect circle and sings and harmonizes with other singamajigs.
I decided to see if it worked, and me and the singamajig, with mouths open in circles sang and harmonized. It didn't work, he still huffed. That was about it for Kohls, except for the person that died. The ambulance was there to haul them out and now it had been a Black, Heart-broken, disgusting, congested, deadly Friday.

We were finally at our final stop-Target. They had opened at 4 a.m and we arrived at 4:15. Not bad! There we quickly picked up the last few items we were after and got in another huge check out line. This time though, there was no hot breathed huffer, but instead two nice men and a lady. We talked for 30 minutes about the ketchup packets at Chick-fil-A. Now that may sound weird, but they are truly great things. They come in the shape of a ketchup bottle and you can open it on both ends. One end squirts, the other opens up to dip. Squirt or dip! Great packets!
The only other funny thing is the amount of money Chrystal spent impulse buying while we were in line. She spent more money impulse buying than we did on gifts at Target. Randy has already forbade us from going to Target next year.
Ricky and Rachel bought there items, I bought mine, Chrystal bought hers, and then Jordan bought his-a pillow. As he was checking out, the cashier said, "I hope you didn't come here tonight to buy that pillow." We all laughed and headed out to our cars. The night was over and it truly was great.
I got home about 5:45 a.m. and laid down on my pillow with a smile on my face. I don't know why all those crazy people go out every year in the middle of the night and shop, but I know why I do. Family! God has blessed us with a great family that loves spending time with each other. Laughs, jokes, making others smile and enjoy life. It truly is....well, it's hard to find the right words I thought, while laying in bed. Then, I got a text! It was Jordan. He wrote, "Pillow is Excellent!" Excellent! The whole night was excellent! It truly was a Black, Heart-broken, Disgusting, Congested, Deadly, Excellent Friday! See you next year!

2 comments:

  1. I knew Jordan helped you cheat and find that sticker!!! I WANT MY MONEY BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!! Cheaters!!!! :)

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  2. I do not look forward to fighting the crowds, I do not desire to save a buck, I do not desire to fight the bitter cold of Black Friday, but I do look forward to the rendition of the Burkes adventures each year! You all make me laugh so hard!
    I am glad you all have this family tradition!
    Thank you for fighting the elements for us to entertained.

    Mrs. E.

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